Reflections of a Daughter of the Silent Generation and Mother of Generation Y
In the many conversations we’d had regarding whether Mom wanted a DNR, this was her bottom line: “There’s no point to living if you’re not really living.” So, as I made our daily plans, in addition to the items Mom’s care required, I added time to enjoy a “calm and prolonged breakfast,” nature, and companionship.
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
In caring for Mom, stuff was gonna happen that we couldn’t foresee or prevent. I was relieved when I remembered Dad’s post-game basketball advice. It was time to let go of the woulda coulda shouldas inherent in Mom’s care and move on to what we could do for her next.
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
If our dog Bubby Blue made the rules, here’s what she’d say: See a treat? Go ahead and eat.
Want to swim? Jump on in.
Hungry? Help yourself.
See a stranger? Bark.
Don’t hold grudges, it’s a waste of time.
Tired? Take a nap.
Lonely? Get a hug.
Got an itch? Let someone scratch it.
Need to poop? Poop.
Just keep wagging your tail, and you’ll be fine.
Never give up… it’s the little things in life that make it worth living.
—from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
As Siena turned 24, I thought I’d share some things about her that had held true since the start. She’s humorous and she humor’s us, most of the time. She loves the color blue and coffee talk. She can make anything fun, even exercise, just ask the animals.
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
AA’s Step Five: “Admitted to our Higher Power, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” Not only does being heard set us free, being able to listen without having to jump in and rescue is transforming as well. (Al-Anon’s Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions)
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
The challenges I faced as mother and daughter were strikingly similar, and what comforted me then, comforted me now: Faith is the way. Caregiving, like motherhood, is living proof of our Higher Power’s love.
For as long as I could remember, exercise had relieved stress and cleared my mind. These days, Mom rebounding, I hoped it would help me get my spark back too.
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
When she got into bed, Mom said “I’m sorry” – I’m not quite sure for what. I answered “I’m sorry” back – I’m not quite sure for what for. It broke my heart even as I knew it meant that the part of her that I had feared had shut down for good was back. How lucky am I?
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
Listen, just listen…why is it so hard to do, when I know it’s what you need from me most?
I start out trying, and the next thing I know, I’m speaking, advising, wanting to take your pain away.
Listen, just listen…why is it so hard to do?
I don’t want you to feel anxious, sad, or alone, even though I know that’s part of life too.
You’ll be okay, I’ll be okay, if I just let you be, to find your way.
So I’ll try to listen, just listen…as long as you’ll try to let me know, when it’s something different you need from me.
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
Like AA’s One Day at a Time, Dad’s “We shall see” freed me to turn my attention elsewhere. These days his approach helped me to take care of Mom in each moment – to offer and love, not to force or press.
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
