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On choosing a book cover: Covering, Uncovering, Recovering Grief

August 12, 2022

Speaking of Courage!

By now, I get that grief is predictably unpredictable. So why am I still surprised by the way it surprises me?

Last week, when my publishing consultant, Lindy, sent me four possible book covers, I went from elation to tears, within moments. Seeing those covers evoked an avalanche of emotion, followed by a tizzy of activity as I jumped into tweaking (not twerking!) mode.

I’m thankful that Lindy made time for me, in the midst of a busy Friday afternoon. Upcoming jury duty was cramping my style, as was missing Mom, and Lindy delivered. When I saw the new options, the very next day, I felt confused, bereft, a little embarrassed. She’d made the changes I’d requested and, while they perfectly captured the journaling I’d done, something was missing.

What if I added more words, I wondered, to explain what I meant by Living Is for Living, Mom’s words I’d scribbled down and heeded in her care. Lindy worked her magic and sent another set of covers, pronto. Nope, I realized, it wasn’t more words that were needed, it was something else.

Daughter, cousin and spouse conversations ensued. They helped me clarify: this book called for a more elegant, finished presentation, like Mom, who liked squared corners and straight lines. Which reminded me of the comfort I felt as a kid, seeing her dressed for work—professional, confident, and approachable too. Who knew a font could capture all that?

Which brought me back around to one of the original covers… Lindy’s no dummy : )

Walking the dogs in the midst of this, the cat lurking near, I realized that grief, mine at least, resembles our feisty pack: fragile and resilient, loyal and gritty, devoted and needy, watchful and fluffy, playful and unapologetic, enduring and sweet, ferocious and funny, too. Much of the time they surround me peacefully, keeping me patient company. Then they get all riled up and make lots of noise, the knock on the door real or not. I’ve finally learned that, if I thank them for keeping me safe, they quiet down a lot more quickly than when I start barking too.

While the care of this pack asks much of me, as does feeling my grief, it brings me endless love and connection, and it gets me to laugh and to walk, which never fail to lift my eyes and my spirits.

I see today that this process of choosing a cover for my book is another opportunity to uncover where I stand, almost three years out, in caring for Mom: more than ever, I want to do her justice. Choosing a cover is also another opportunity to recover—to feel what I feel, to reach for support, to choose my path forward, and to keep on walking, like Mom would do.  

Photo, wording, style, and font selected, now I just gotta choose a background color. No need to rush, I’m right where I need to be.

Uncategorized terry@thejoyofcaring.com 5 Comments

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Comments

  1. Darlene says

    August 12, 2022 at 8:09 am

    Beautiful words from a beautiful human being. Your mom left a great legacy in you.

    Reply
  2. Lisa says

    August 12, 2022 at 8:19 am

    Beautiful weaving of words and worlds, Terry! I look forward to seeing the cover that you and Lindy create.

    Reply
  3. Tracy Lappin says

    August 12, 2022 at 8:50 am

    You always manage to bring a smile to my face and tear to my eye. I can’t wait for the finished product my friend. XO

    Reply
  4. Ellen says

    August 12, 2022 at 10:03 am

    I look forward to being able to purchase and read your book. Keep us informed! XO

    Reply
  5. Heidi Perkins says

    August 12, 2022 at 12:16 pm

    -Can’t wait to see the cover!
    But the content is what I’m really looking forward to.
    😍💪🏼🌻. So proud of you.

    Reply

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I am Acadia Manset's granddaughter. Raised in Maine, graduated from Dartmouth College and Harvard Law, I have spent the last 24 years parenting. With our adult kids in the process of leaving the nest, my mom has moved in, leading to precious time and daily opportunities I never anticipated. I hope that this site will inspire insight and growth, humor and fun, questions and answers, for you and for me.

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Raised in Maine, I had spent the prior 24 years parenting, mostly in Wisconsin. With our adult kids in the process of leaving the nest, my mom moved in, from Maine, leading to precious time and daily opportunities I had never anticipated. I launched this site in 2017 as a way to share that experience, hoping to pass along what I was learning about Alzheimer's disease, to process the challenging parts, and to have some fun too. I never anticipated the way the community of readers would fuel me in staying the course. Today, I am deeply grateful for that, and so much more.

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