Reflections of a Daughter of the Silent Generation and Mother of Generation Y
AA’s Step Five: “Admitted to our Higher Power, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” Not only does being heard set us free, being able to listen without having to jump in and rescue is transforming as well. (Al-Anon’s Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions)
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
The challenges I faced as mother and daughter were strikingly similar, and what comforted me then, comforted me now: Faith is the way. Caregiving, like motherhood, is living proof of our Higher Power’s love.
For as long as I could remember, exercise had relieved stress and cleared my mind. These days, Mom rebounding, I hoped it would help me get my spark back too.
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
When she got into bed, Mom said “I’m sorry” – I’m not quite sure for what. I answered “I’m sorry” back – I’m not quite sure for what for. It broke my heart even as I knew it meant that the part of her that I had feared had shut down for good was back. How lucky am I?
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
Listen, just listen…why is it so hard to do, when I know it’s what you need from me most?
I start out trying, and the next thing I know, I’m speaking, advising, wanting to take your pain away.
Listen, just listen…why is it so hard to do?
I don’t want you to feel anxious, sad, or alone, even though I know that’s part of life too.
You’ll be okay, I’ll be okay, if I just let you be, to find your way.
So I’ll try to listen, just listen…as long as you’ll try to let me know, when it’s something different you need from me.
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
Like AA’s One Day at a Time, Dad’s “We shall see” freed me to turn my attention elsewhere. These days his approach helped me to take care of Mom in each moment – to offer and love, not to force or press.
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
I was grateful to all who took a look at Mom as they addressed her health concerns; I believe it was the most important part of providing her care. I wanted them to know, I saw them too.
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
On hospital time, with Spring’s midwest prairie view, I google “haiku.”
Japanese poem, three lines of five, seven, five, nature inspires.
The lake with its geese, “attached by a stream to Maine”, reminds Mom of home.
We may wonder why, we reach for the sun each day…It’s the way we love.
Goslings in the yard, Mom would enjoy if she could – I see for us both.
Neighbor boy in boots, plops butt-first in the puddle, his Dad and I smile.
The dogs tug the leash – trees bud, flowers bloom, birds sing – we rejoice at life.
—from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
…prednisone makes some patient’s worse, diverticulitis can be very painful, surgery is not always necessary, ice cream sandwiches and haikus help, dementia gets in the way of pain relief, delirium isn’t necessarily permanent, fecal impaction is no joke, Milk of Magnesia works…
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
“…All I can say is if one day you start to lose your memory I promise to manipulate you to get you the best care and living situation possible even if you can’t understand why…” texted our college-age son when I expressed my concern about over-stepping in Mom’s care. Wow.
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
