The Joy of Caring

Reflections of a Daughter of the Silent Generation and Mother of Generation Y

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Still Right Here

August 30, 2025

As summer winds down, with a cool breeze blowing from the north and the highest leaves turning red, we begin the process of closing up Camp, as Mainer’s call it. It’s not just a cottage on a lake where we gather with friends and family all summer long, it’s a whole vibe, sort of like Wisconsin’s Up North.

Anyhow, after a beautiful July and August, full of all kinds of Camp moments – loving an old dog through his last stretch, hosting visitors from near and far, enjoying neighbors known forever, teaching kids to waterski, eating so many impossible burgers I lost count, and searching out the very best fruit pie – I go to town to do some errands – a stop at the post office to pick up forwarded mail, at Good Will to drop off another extra layer, and maybe even a stop at Gifford’s for one last frappe (made with chocolate ice cream, of course). 

As I head back to camp afterward and near the cathedral of pines where we used to hold our breath and make childhood wishes, I recall how I hated to leave the lake to go to town with Mom way back when. Once a week, we made the trek – a stop at the laundromat to clean towels and sheets, at the grocery store to stock back up, and maybe even at Rummel’s for another frappe (made with chocolate ice cream, thanks to Mom, of course). 

I remember, too, the excitement I felt as we turned back up the camp road. I just had to help unload the car and put things away, and we’d head down the hill to jump into the lake, the dog splashing along with us happily.

The funny thing is, as I reminisce about those dreaded in town trips, it hits me that these days – a half a century later – I actually enjoy these outings. Although I still hate to leave the lake, these sweaty treks remind me of one-on-one time with Mom, the one who taught me the caregiving balance of getting things done AND having some fun.

This time, as I turn up Fire Road 014, Google-mapped as Cathedral Pines Drive – dusty, green, and bright – I notice, wafting down in front of the car, a yellow leaf like the ones that kept finding me in the month after Mom died, six years ago.

And there you have it: here she is, right here beside me, whether it’s getting the chores done or playing in the lake. I’ve shared before the sacredness of closing up camp in the wake of Mom’s death (https://thejoyofcaring.com/2020/09/10/labor-of-love-aka-caregiver-burden/). It’s just wild how time passes and the way the heart adapts to losses we think it never will – longing and gratitude, sadness and joy – two sides of the same yellow leaf.

So, I pull into our yard, a smile on my face, so much love in my heart, for the way Mom taught me to live and breathe Camp and for the sweet reminder that she’s still right here showing me how it’s done.

Which brings me to what’s up next: Wisconsin Wedding Bells!

Finding time, Having fun, Learning as we go, Letting go, Maintaining balance, Making peace, Practicing faith, Sacred Practices, Self-Reflection Gratitude, Keep it simple, One day at a time terry@thejoyofcaring.com 3 Comments

How can it be? Glory Be!

June 15, 2025

Dad died 23 years ago. How can it be? My father-in law, Cliff, died three months ago. How can it be?

I remember well Mom’s words after we’d turned off the machine keeping Dad alive, as per his wish: “I know the pain of a daughter losing her dad. I’m so sorry for your loss” — a heartbreak we suddenly shared.

Who knew I’d feel a sorrow like that twice?

How lucky am I that I got to have two fathers to love and to grieve in one life?

The first one raised me up, teaching me the values of hard work, humility, humor, and grit – fostering in me the confidence to use my voice, and my elbows, as the situation called for.

The second one took me in, stepping onto a chair to announce the engagement that would connect us by law and into the fathering role when my dad died – offering friendship, guidance, acknowledgment, and wit that I sorely missed. 

How lucky am I that the love, appreciation and grace I learned from losing my first dad, I got to give to my second dad?

Both men had my back while they were alive and they flank me now that they have died – their protective presence, clever insight, and patient support giving me balance and strength as I step forth, their shared good humor putting a smile on my face, even now.

I’m so very grateful to both of these guys. Even as I miss them dearly, I value all the ways they are still right here at my sides.

Glory Be! as the ebullient Reverend William A. Jones, another great dad, loved to say.

How can it be? Glory Be!

Accepting help, Having fun, Learning as we go, Maintaining balance, Making peace, Practicing faith Faith, Gratitude, Grief, Keep it simple, Life after death, Losing a loved one, Parenting terry@thejoyofcaring.com 4 Comments

Newest Release…

January 11, 2024

Sharing this book reminds me of opening Sunshine’s crate.

Rather than dashing to the sea, Sunshine peered out, cautiously. When her crate was gently disassembled and she was eased onto the sand, she made her way slowly down the beach, guided by her Marine Mammals of Maine (MMoME) caregivers who shielded her view of the spectators gathered to cheer for her and poolmate Dexxy. When Sunshine made it to the bay, she paused in the shallows while she acclimated to the chilly water, lapping waves, glistening sun. Then she submerged, and off she went. 

I can relate to Sunshine’s apparent reluctance, as I release this book I wrote and illustrated about her recovery, from collection to rehabilitation to release. I also received great care along the way and down the homestretch – from my childhood friends Nancy (who illustrated the front cover), Biz (who took photos of the release) and Margie (who cheered my every step), to my editor, Genie Dailey (Fine Points Editorial Services), and my creative coach, Lindy Gifford (www.manifestidentity.com), to the folks at MMoME (who gave the book their thumbs up).

Wanting to get the story and its details right, I too have taken my sweet time before taking the plunge. And just like the time came for Sunshine to swim free, the time has come to set her story free. So here it is, available online and by request at your local book shop. I hope you enjoy!

Accepting help, Finding time, Gathering Info, Having fun, Helping others, Learning as we go, Letting go, Maintaining balance, Navigating Concerns, Practicing faith Friendship, Gratitude, Keep it simple, One day at a time, Travels of a Gray Seal Pup terry@thejoyofcaring.com Leave a Comment

The Wrap: Douglas the Rabbit’s Winter Holiday Surprise

October 2, 2023

“Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.”—Victor Hugo (1802-1885), author of The Hunchback of Notre Dame and Les Miserables

Across traditions, winter holidays are observed with decorations, foods, gifts, lights, rituals, and visits with family and friends. They celebrate hope and joy, even amidst hardship. In that spirit, I’m excited to offer:

In this last book of the series, Douglas invites the other animals to a gathering that captures the friendships they share. It’s a reminder of the importance of making time for what matters most: Connection to others and the world we share.

This one’s a shout-out to my spouse, Doug, and our children—Siena, Matt, and Garrett—with whom we witness the humor and beauty around us, with special thanks to the sightings that inspired the illustrations: Canadian geese skidding to a stop across fresh ice, paper snowflakes created by the kids from coffee filters, shooting stars streaking across the night sky.

I share this story today, on what would have been Dad’s 90th birthday, in gratitude for all the ways he made us laugh, including his story-telling, and for encouraging me to tell stories, too.

“Peace and quiet,” he’d say, a twinkle in his eye, when I’d ask him what he wanted for his birthday.

When I ask myself that question, as I approach my sixtieth, what I want is the gift of kindness.

So, in wrapping the Douglas the Rabbit Adventure Series, it makes sense that, even without doing so intentionally, this final story celebrates these three gifts: peace, quiet, and kindness.

I hope you enjoy!

Accepting help, Finding time, Having fun, Laughing out loud, Learning as we go, Letting go, Maintaining balance, Making peace, Navigating Concerns, Practicing faith, Sacred Practices, Taking care of self, Uncategorized Celebrating joy, Friendship, Gratitude, Keep it simple, Life after death, Natural beauty, Parenting terry@thejoyofcaring.com Leave a Comment

1, 2, 3…ready or not, here we come: Douglas the Rabbit’s Fall Field Trip

August 21, 2023

With autumn in sight, I’m eager to share another fun story:

The third book in the series, this one is dedicated to my cousin Margie (“Pea-Wea”) who fondly recalls Dad’s yarns and joins me on adventures of our own, making me laugh every step of the way (note above photo, circa 1976). I’m grateful for friends like her who offer encouragement while keeping it real, and also help me recall the details so that we can reminisce long after.

The drawings of Brown’s farm were inspired by Margie’s childhood home in Waterville, Maine, where we played all kinds of rambunctious games with her siblings, Andy and Beth. I appreciate how their parents, Uncle Bill and Ainty Joano, kept the doors open and the treats hidden… where we could easily find ’em!

Book Three merges these recollections with adult memories of R’s Farm of Mequon, Wisconsin, where my spouse and I took our own kids, year after year, for fun fall outings. I’m thankful, too, for the examples set by our bunnies, Mocha and Cocoa, who showed us how rabbits do what they do, and by our dogs, Bubby, Daisy and Yaz, who alerted us to visitors when the kids were young.

Here’s to the beauty of the upcoming season—can’t you just smell the warm apple pie?

PS: Click on the book to find it online, or go to your local bookstore and ask for it there. Enjoy!

Having fun, Laughing out loud, Learning as we go, Practicing faith, Speaking up, Uncategorized Gratitude, Keep it simple, Life after death, One day at a time, Parenting terry@thejoyofcaring.com Leave a Comment

Up next, just in time for Mom’s birthday: Douglas the Rabbit Makes Some Friends

July 19, 2023

Douglas the Rabbit is a character that my dad created when I was a girl. The first book, The Original Douglas the Rabbit Story, introduced Douglas and his adventurous spirit. The second book, Douglas the Rabbit Makes Some Friends, goes back to the previous spring to describe how Douglas befriends a bird, a skunk, a chipmunk, and a fox… a diverse group of animals, for sure.

While the first story stayed true to the story my dad told, this one reflects my own everyday adventures with my family and pets, especially our hamster Mischief who showed us how she could store treats in her cheeks.

And too, it reflects Mom’s GO FOR IT approach to new challenges – which I celebrate today, her 91st birthday.

Click on the book photo to find it on Amazon, or go to your local bookstore and ask for it there. Enjoy!

Accepting help, Having fun, Helping others, Laughing out loud #gotitfrommymama, Friendship, Gratitude, Keep it simple, Life after death, Parenting terry@thejoyofcaring.com Leave a Comment

Introducing my next adventure: The Original Douglas the Rabbit Story

June 6, 2023

When I was young, I loved my dad’s Douglas the Rabbit stories. It’s probably no coincidence that I married a Douglas of my own. When our kids were little, I tucked them into bed at night with Douglas stories too. After my dad died, I decided to write his story down, illustrating it with colored pencils which were easy to use in the midst of our busy family life. I enjoyed this process so much I created three more. 

When efforts to publish these stories proved unsuccessful–apparently, he’s not the only rabbit out there!–I tucked that goal away, along with the books, content to share them where I could: with my friend Pam who invited me to read to her second-grade class, with my niece Holly who took Douglas to Tanzania to share with kids there, and with my mom, Laures, who loved to peruse the unpublished books.

Little did my dad know when he made up those stories for us kids, that someday I’d share them with my kids. Little did I know that the stories I wrote to remember my dad after he died, and to save for our kids, would someday entertain my mom (see https://thejoyofcaring.com/2020/04/23/laughter-in-grief-showing-up-the-best-we-can-and-finding-hope-amidst-loss/).

We don’t always anticipate how our dots will connect, only that they somehow do. It’s just plain fun when things turn out all right, after all. In that spirit, I’m excited to offer The Original Douglas the Rabbit Story which celebrates the good things in life: adventure, nature, friendship, homecoming, and more.

You can find The Original Douglas the Rabbit Story at your local book store (just ask) and online at Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble, Sherman’s Maine Coast Book Shops, and Bookshop (just click).

And there are three more on the way – Enjoy!

Accepting help, Finding time, Having fun, Laughing out loud, Taking care of self Adventure, Eldercare, Gratitude, Keep it simple, Life after death, Marriage, Parenting terry@thejoyofcaring.com 3 Comments

Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story is launched!

November 28, 2022

What I am letting go in publishing this book isn’t Mom; it isn’t my caregiving journey; it isn’t even all the reflection I’ve done along the way. What I am letting go is fear, the what ifs, the wish for one more do-over, choosing, instead, to let love fill our sails:

If you or someone you know is interested in reading Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story, it is available to order at your local book store (just ask) and also online at Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble, Sherman’s Maine Coast Book Shops, IndieBound, and Bookshop (just click).

Thank you for your interest and I wish you and your loved ones many blessings this holiday season.

Accepting help, Finding time, Gathering Info, Having fun, Helping others, Laughing out loud, Learning as we go, Learning from mistakes, Letting go, Listening first, Looking forward, Maintaining balance, Making peace, Practicing faith, Speaking up, Taking care of self Alzheimer's Disease, Caregiving, Eldercare, Gratitude, Health first, Keep it simple, Marriage, One day at a time, Parenting terry@thejoyofcaring.com 5 Comments

More Picks of our Walk with Mom

July 19, 2022

Finding time, Having fun, Making peace Alzheimer's Disease, Caregiving, Gratitude, One day at a time terry@thejoyofcaring.com Leave a Comment

Grief and Guilt, a year later, and the Magic of Fruit Loops, Pivoting, Barking Dogs, Yellow Leaves and Blue Jays

October 12, 2020

As we returned home from an afternoon hike, Siena spotted another Blue Jay, this one perched in a tree at the top of our street. We looked at each other and smiled, understanding that Mom is still right here, with us. We just need to be available to the moment, the best we can.

—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story

Accepting help, Having fun, Helping others, Laughing out loud, Learning as we go, Learning from mistakes, Letting go, Maintaining balance, Making peace, Taking care of self #ENDALZ, Alzheimer's Disease, Canine Caregiver, Caregiver burden, Eldercare, Gratitude, Grief, Hospice Care, Life after death, Pet Therapy, Pivoting, Progress not Perfection terry@thejoyofcaring.com 4 Comments

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I am Acadia Manset's granddaughter. Raised in Maine, graduated from Dartmouth College and Harvard Law, I have spent the last 24 years parenting. With our adult kids in the process of leaving the nest, my mom has moved in, leading to precious time and daily opportunities I never anticipated. I hope that this site will inspire insight and growth, humor and fun, questions and answers, for you and for me.

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  • Still Right Here
  • How can it be? Glory Be!
  • A Mom's Love, unlimited
  • Newest Release...
  • Upcoming Book Release: A Seal Named Sunshine
  • The Wrap: Douglas the Rabbit's Winter Holiday Surprise
  • Seeing What Is Right in front of Us
  • A Giant Lesson in Mindfulness
  • 1, 2, 3...ready or not, here we come: Douglas the Rabbit's Fall Field Trip
  • Up next, just in time for Mom's birthday: Douglas the Rabbit Makes Some Friends

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Raised in Maine, I had spent the prior 24 years parenting, mostly in Wisconsin. With our adult kids in the process of leaving the nest, my mom moved in, from Maine, leading to precious time and daily opportunities I had never anticipated. I launched this site in 2017 as a way to share that experience, hoping to pass along what I was learning about Alzheimer's disease, to process the challenging parts, and to have some fun too. I never anticipated the way the community of readers would fuel me in staying the course. Today, I am deeply grateful for that, and so much more.

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