The Joy of Caring

Reflections of a Daughter of the Silent Generation and Mother of Generation Y

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#tbt Making Peace with Mom’s DNR

Dear Higher Power, Please help me to take heroic measures to love and care for Mom, to help her continue to live healthy and well – not to prolong the time when she is failing and unwell. Please help me to never give up, and also to let go when the time comes. Please help me to honor Mom while she is alive, and also when she dies. A DNR – natural death – is the right choice – it’s a choice my Mom has made. It’s a choice I agree with. It’s a choice that hurts and relieves. It’s a choice I need to respect. Please help me to find peace with Mom’s DNR. Thy will be done. Amen

—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story

Simple Kindness

When in doubt

In a world with atrocity, apathy, anxiety, distraction and just plain busy-ness, I was touched by all the simple kindnesses that helped me as I helped Mom. Thanks to those simple, and often unexpected, kindnesses, the pieces of our life in Maine were starting to fall into place.

—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story

#tbt when meds are a mess, aka take note(s) and speak up

Photos courtesy of our caregiver Karly, showing she’d cut pill in half and was making the day great!

I was grateful for my husband and kids and our awesome caregivers who spent enough time with Mom to know her well, to let me know what they saw, and to make sure she got her meds when I stepped away.

—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story

HALT and let in the love

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I learned long ago, in Al-Anon, that when we feel irritable or unreasonable, we need to “HALT” – it may be that we are Hungry, Angry, Lonely and/or Tired. Sometimes HALTing means putting our own feet up, sometimes it means taking a moment to learn from others who are doing just that.

—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story

A Tree in a Forest and a Health Care POA Prayer

From my diary two years before, as I stepped into the shoes of health care agent:

Please help me to care for Mom,

to stay in the moment with her while getting her the health care she needs,

to keep her safe while supporting her independence,

to collaborate with the boys and all the rest,

to meet her needs as well as those of the others in my life, and

to stay right here, right now, while figuring out what’s next.

Thank you for helping us to help her.

Amen

—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story

“Retiring” the Car Keys, i.e. Driving Lala

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Mom’s 85th birthday, photo cred to our caregiver Hannah

When I reminded her that her license had expired and reassured her that I’d be happy to drive her anywhere she wanted to go, Mom nodded and smiled. What a relief that the driving question was behind us.

—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story

Empty Nest Plus One

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Mom and Doug, a couple summers back

Sunday morning, two days after we stopped the Tramadol, as she tried to make sense of the prior couple of days, Mom asked, “Who’s going to keep me from going crazy?” I was glad I could answer, “I will do my best, Mom, and Doug will help too.”

—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story

The Challenges of Pain and Delirium as they relate to Dementia – aka Guess who has a UTI?

While it complicated her care, Mom’s inability to remember the pain or other details had its advantages: she loved taking guilt-free naps with Cinnamon and regularly expressed gratitude for her good health when I tucked her in at night.

—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story

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