The Joy of Caring

Reflections of a Daughter of the Silent Generation and Mother of Generation Y

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#tbt Making Peace with Mom’s DNR

Dear Higher Power, Please help me to take heroic measures to love and care for Mom, to help her continue to live healthy and well – not to prolong the time when she is failing and unwell. Please help me to never give up, and also to let go when the time comes. Please help me to honor Mom while she is alive, and also when she dies. A DNR – natural death – is the right choice – it’s a choice my Mom has made. It’s a choice I agree with. It’s a choice that hurts and relieves. It’s a choice I need to respect. Please help me to find peace with Mom’s DNR. Thy will be done. Amen

—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story

Simple Kindness

When in doubt

In a world with atrocity, apathy, anxiety, distraction and just plain busy-ness, I was touched by all the simple kindnesses that helped me as I helped Mom. Thanks to those simple, and often unexpected, kindnesses, the pieces of our life in Maine were starting to fall into place.

—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story

What is basketball? – aka caring for me

When a coach at the Not Too Late, women over 50, basketball camp said, “you’re only as strong as your biggest weakness,” her words resonated, giving me reason to keep working on me, on the court and off.

—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story

#tbt when meds are a mess, aka take note(s) and speak up

Photos courtesy of our caregiver Karly, showing she’d cut pill in half and was making the day great!

I was grateful for my husband and kids and our awesome caregivers who spent enough time with Mom to know her well, to let me know what they saw, and to make sure she got her meds when I stepped away.

—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story

Sandwiched – caring for Mom, while caring for kids

2004                             2018

There’s plenty of literature out there about the challenge of being part of the “Sandwich Generation.” I too have sleepless nights worrying about Mom, as well as the kids. At the same time, I gotta admit, it’s pretty cool.

—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story

Thank You for That, aka an Attitude of Gratitude

I was especially grateful for the wisdom and support I received from so many places, including Mom – she may have forgotten some things due to Alzheimer’s, however there was an awful lot else she still reminded me to appreciate.

—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story

January Freeze, Step Two’s Coming to Believe

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AA’s Step Two: “Came to believe a power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity.” When offering Mom the paper birds to touch and the memory of our home in Wisconsin to connect didn’t soothe her, I took down the mobile and put it in a drawer. Sometimes, we just gotta believe someone we trust can take our worries away. (Al-Anon’s Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions)

—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story

HALT and let in the love

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I learned long ago, in Al-Anon, that when we feel irritable or unreasonable, we need to “HALT” – it may be that we are Hungry, Angry, Lonely and/or Tired. Sometimes HALTing means putting our own feet up, sometimes it means taking a moment to learn from others who are doing just that.

—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story

Step One, admitting we are powerless #fillintheblank

AA’s Step One: “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.” Although I couldn’t change the course of Mom’s Alzheimer’s, I could impact the quality of her days. Hence, it was oddly reassuring when I asked her at dinner, the weather raging outside our door, “Mom, do you like where you’re living?” and she responded, “Good building, good people, what’s not to like?” (Al-Anon’s Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions)

—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story

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