Reflections of a Daughter of the Silent Generation and Mother of Generation Y
Sunday morning, two days after we stopped the Tramadol, as she tried to make sense of the prior couple of days, Mom asked, “Who’s going to keep me from going crazy?” I was glad I could answer, “I will do my best, Mom, and Doug will help too.”
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
Speak quietly with confidence, no need to yell.
Speak quietly with confidence, ‘til then listen well.
Don’t speak out of turn, when it’s not mine to learn.
Let them hold their own, now that they’re grown.
Forgive myself, I meant no harm.
Living learning, here on the farm.
(February 13, 2015)
—from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
AA’s Step Nine: “Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.” It felt good to take responsibility for that which weighed me down, setting it right the best I could and starting fresh, like five-year-old Siena sledding down a snowy hill shouting “Let Me Be Free!” (Al-Anon’s Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions)
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
Thanks to Mom, I’d learned to smile, even when it isn’t easy. Thanks to Mom, I was still smiling now.
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
Earnest 18-year-old you with me in your heart, asks me straight up “What next?”
You don’t want me to miss out on my life making sure that she doesn’t miss out on hers.
“I’m not sure,” I admit – I tell you the truth, cuz I value your two cents, and you’d see through anything else.
“I’m taking it a day at a time, trying to draw out this phase, trusting I’ll know when it’s time for a change.
Seriously, how lucky am I, that in the midst of your world, you see me sitting here, and give me just what I need.
Although I’m still not sure what is next, I promise to take care of me the best I can, in the mix.
All I ask is you do the same…What’s next for you?
Great things, I have no doubt – and I will cheer your every step.
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
I never expected that our eldest would come home to live between college and graduate school. I was going to miss her and l looked forward to the next time she’d land back home, whatever the duration.
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
I knew I’d miss our Millennial kids when they went away to school; it hit me now, just how much I’d miss their Millennial friends as they set out on their next chapters too.
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
“Do you have a plan in case of fire?” asked the fit physical therapist assigned to determine Mom’s need for in-home care. She looked him in the eye and answered definitively, “I’d put it out.”
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
Not that he has to, still, it’s a fact, he brings balance to our family. Thinking of him reminds baby-of-the-family me to step back, take a deep breath, and calm myself – to be less tornado and more glue.
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
I was starting to feel emotional about the changes ahead and grateful for the prospect of time together beforehand, when I noticed Mom’s intestinal bleed – a “complete curveball” my husband called it… and a classic example of the importance of “Letting Go of Expectations,” as they say in AA.
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
