Reflections of a Daughter of the Silent Generation and Mother of Generation Y
On retreat with the Chaplaincy Institute of Maine, I took a long walk by myself in the woods. I flopped down in the fresh snow. I lay there, looking up at a tall evergreen that reached up to the blue sky (the blue Mom loved). I breathed in and out, deliberately, five times. It felt so good, I decided to go for ten.
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
Mom died at dawn on Tuesday, October 15, 2019 – two years from the day we got her back to Maine. Then, at 54, our beautiful friend Terry T died too. Even in the midst of battling cancer, she’d texted me: Sorry about your mom, but I know, because I believe, that she is at peace. Thank you dear Terry T for showing me the way. Peace be with you, too.
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
In Mom’s Alzheimer’s care, we’d guided her through a daily routine to promote her good moments. With the wisdom and support of her hospice team, we modified that approach to better meet her evolving needs. I was grateful that, even though caring for Mom as she approached death wasn’t easy, I got to do it and that, even when I felt alone, I was supported.
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
I was lucky that this sweet, funny, intelligent, kick ass, sassy woman was my aunt and that her daughters and their spouses were part of my village. I hoped we’d see Mom through her life with the steady, patient and brave approach that helped them see Aunt Joan through hers. I was thankful to them for showing me that it could be done.
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
Stepping away gave me time to feel Alzheimer’s vastness – like standing beside the Grand Canyon, exhausted, I felt overwhelmed, like I could fall right in. The following summer, during valuable caregiving hours, my spouse and I visited local memory and nursing care facilities. Our options better understood, I could get back to taking it a day at a time and feeling grateful for the moments we still had with Mom in our home.
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
It was an honor to be one of 130 Maine athletes to attend the National Senior Games where I played on Team Phoenix. Watching women, ages 50-90, play basketball, not only inspired me, it gave me hope – I wanted to be kicking ass when I’m in my eighties and beyond too!
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
I was grateful for my husband and kids and our awesome caregivers who spent enough time with Mom to know her well, to let me know what they saw, and to make sure she got her meds when I stepped away.
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
“When we get to Maine…” Mom often said, as she sat in our new home, here in Maine. Then, returning in the snow from the doctor’s office, we passed the dentist she’d gone to for five decades. “Dr. Ortengren…” she read aloud from the sign, and then turned toward me with a, “I guess we’re home.”
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
Helping Mom manage her finances was an important step in her care, one I’m glad we took, despite our discomfort, before another loss.
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
AA’s Step Twelve: “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.” This meant being present in the moment, right here, right now, maybe not all of the time, however, more and more of the time. (Al-Anon’s Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions)
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
