The Joy of Caring

Reflections of a Daughter of the Silent Generation and Mother of Generation Y

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What Next? (dropping our youngest off at college)

Earnest 18-year-old you with me in your heart, asks me straight up “What next?”

You don’t want me to miss out on my life making sure that she doesn’t miss out on hers.

“I’m not sure,” I admit – I tell you the truth, cuz I value your two cents, and you’d see through anything else.

“I’m taking it a day at a time, trying to draw out this phase, trusting I’ll know when it’s time for a change.

Seriously, how lucky am I, that in the midst of your world, you see me sitting here, and give me just what I need.

Although I’m still not sure what is next, I promise to take care of me the best I can, in the mix.

All I ask is you do the same…What’s next for you?

Great things, I have no doubt – and I will cheer your every step.

—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story

Curveball Complete (what I learned during Mom’s second hospital stay)

I was starting to feel emotional about the changes ahead and grateful for the prospect of time together beforehand, when I noticed Mom’s intestinal bleed – a “complete curveball” my husband called it… and a classic example of the importance of “Letting Go of Expectations,” as they say in AA.

—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story

Brotherly Love on Mom’s Birthday

Of all the things I could give Mom for her birthday, the very best would be the promise to always try to work things out with my bros. Mom cherished each one of us, in different ways, and having us all in her life, in the ways that we could be, not only made my role as primary caregiver doable, it also helped to make her life, at 85 and with dementia, complete.

—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story

Head’s Up re: Infection and Alzheimer’s Disease

Even in the absence of pain or other symptoms, any change is reason to seek help. We were extremely fortunate that after all Mom had been through, her interactivity had returned. As she slogged through another round of pre-CT scan barium solution, I handed her a magazine; she took a quick look and threw it down on the table: “Housekeeping!” she proclaimed, “who wants to read a magazine about that!”

—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story

“Living is for Living” – Mom’s Three Things

IMG_9448

In the many conversations we’d had regarding whether Mom wanted a DNR, this was her bottom line: “There’s no point to living if you’re not really living.” So, as I made our daily plans, in addition to the items Mom’s care required, I added time to enjoy a “calm and prolonged breakfast,” nature, and companionship.

—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story

Letting Go and Moving On

Dad, circa 1970

In caring for Mom, stuff was gonna happen that we couldn’t foresee or prevent. I was relieved when I remembered Dad’s post-game basketball advice. It was time to let go of the woulda coulda shouldas inherent in Mom’s care and move on to what we could do for her next.

—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story

Online History during Hospital Stay

…prednisone makes some patient’s worse, diverticulitis can be very painful, surgery is not always necessary, ice cream sandwiches and haikus help, dementia gets in the way of pain relief, delirium isn’t necessarily permanent, fecal impaction is no joke, Milk of Magnesia works…

—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story

The Manipulation/Essence of Caring

“…All I can say is if one day you start to lose your memory I promise to manipulate you to get you the best care and living situation possible even if you can’t understand why…” texted our college-age son when I expressed my concern about over-stepping in Mom’s care. Wow.

—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story

Around We Go

Mom at 2

“A defining event of my life occurred when I was 1 1/2 years old,” wrote Mom of a childhood infection, “I was lucky to survive.” I hoped that this time around, at almost 85, she would recover as she had back then. We just had to convince her to take her medicine!

—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story

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