After a tough day, a nurse roused Mom for her night time medicine; afterward, when I told Mom how much I loved her, she smiled and said, “I love you too, thank you for helping me.”
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
homesick
Mom suddenly sat up in bed. i stopped her before she ripped out the tube in her side. when i handed her her hearing aid, she tried to put it in her mouth. it was time for memory dog to step aside and call in the big dog.
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
The Way that Redeems
Maybe for worriers, it’s a blessing to forget – what we cannot remember, we cannot fret. Somewhere in the middle, we may get stuck – then we’re totally, shit out of luck. Unless we have someone, standing right there – to give us a smile and offer us care. Being the one to get it done – can be a bit much and sometimes not fun. Being a part of a bigger team – that is the way, the way that redeems. : )
—from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
Vacation Defined (the dictionaries and me)
Vacation (noun)(vā-kā′shən, və-) “A period of time devoted to pleasure, rest, or relaxation”(thefreedictionary.com) … the sun on the horizon, the wind in the palms, the waves on the beach, my family in their beds asleep, and Mom at home safe and sound …
“… a period spent away from home or business in travel or recreation …”(merriam-webster.com)… exploring new places, reading a book just for fun, closing my eyes – sun on my hat, sand under my feet, enjoying new foods prepared by another, talking and laughing, together, apart …
“… the time during which a person temporarily ceases regular duties of any kind and performs other activities … typically used for rest, travel, or recreation, but may be used for any purpose …” (webster-dictionary.org)… I step away, I unravel, I rejuvenate, I rediscover, and I look forward to returning home to Mom.
—from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
Thought Bubble Reset
Fifteen hundred miles from home and I was still worried about Mom. The wild weather at sea turned out to be exactly what I needed—like Dad was taking care of me from above, dumping water on my head, changing things up, and reminding me to accept when I’m not in control, to ride it out, and to let myself have some spontaneous fun.
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
Use It or Lose It, an Invite a Day
With the cognitive change Mom was experiencing, time together didn’t need to be complex – the simpler, the better. An invite a day helped me offer her time to use her curiosity and sense of adventure so that hopefully she wouldn’t lose them.
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
Aren’t We Lucky?
Bottom Line? Mom still kicked ass, even with “moderate dementia of the Alzheimer’s type” (doctor’s new diagnosis) as I witnessed at night when I’d go in to tell her I loved her and she’d say: “Aren’t we lucky?”
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
Tuesday’s Conversation – a week later, on having a stroke in the eye
That night, when Mom stood up to go to bed, she looked at me with her one good eye, smiled, and said, “Thank you for helping me to … to try to stay alive.” Not morbid, not dramatic, just straight-forward and true – that was Mom.
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
Step Three, Mid-Air Challenge
AA’s Step Three: “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of our Higher Power.” Like the kids when they were young, Mom trusted me so completely it was sobering; it helped to know I wasn’t alone. (See, Al-Anon’s Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions)
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
Tuesday’s Conversation – on having a stroke in the eye
The day Mom had a stroke in her eye, likely leaving her sight permanently impaired, I went in to say good night. After giving her her medicine, including the long-taken baby aspirin to reduce risk of stroke and the newly prescribed eye drop to reduce the pressure in her injured eye, Mom looked at me and asked, “We had a nice afternoon, didn’t we?”
“Yes, Mom, we had a nice afternoon.” I hugged her and said, “Thank you for showing me how it’s done.”
—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story
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