The Joy of Caring

Reflections of a Daughter of the Silent Generation and Mother of Generation Y

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Book Lay Out: “and” not “or”

September 28, 2022

This last bit, the back and forth with Lindy as she carefully lays out Living Is for Living, word by word, reminds me of childbirth: it requires willingness, focus, patience and humility, in the midst of discomfort and anticipation. There’s the familiar cognitive back and forth: do I hold on or do I let go or am I kidding myself to think I have any control over what happens next, once this book is published.

So what do I do? I nest: I sort trinkets, rehang pictures, rearrange books. I even gladly pause to take my many morning herbs (intended to tame Lyme and other things). And, big surprise, I write : )

Then I remember the notion of AND that I learned in my interfaith chaplaincy studies. What if I swap and for or: I hold on and I let go and I kid myself. This balance of good intention and good humor do seem to come in handy at this moment of delivery.

I’m grateful

that the animals

are right here at my side

and that Lindy is

one heck of a writing midwife,

respecting my perspective and pace,

while attending to every single detail.

We’ll get there—I just gotta trust, breathe, do what I can, and let the process unfold. Speaking of which, back to checking the latest version!

Accepting help, Laughing out loud, Learning as we go, Letting go, Maintaining balance, Practicing faith, Speaking up Gratitude, Reframing terry@thejoyofcaring.com 2 Comments

More Picks of our Walk with Mom

July 19, 2022

Finding time, Having fun, Making peace Alzheimer's Disease, Caregiving, Gratitude, One day at a time terry@thejoyofcaring.com Leave a Comment

Grief and Guilt, a year later, and the Magic of Fruit Loops, Pivoting, Barking Dogs, Yellow Leaves and Blue Jays

October 12, 2020

As we returned home from an afternoon hike, Siena spotted another Blue Jay, this one perched in a tree at the top of our street. We looked at each other and smiled, understanding that Mom is still right here, with us. We just need to be available to the moment, the best we can.

—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story

Accepting help, Having fun, Helping others, Laughing out loud, Learning as we go, Learning from mistakes, Letting go, Maintaining balance, Making peace, Taking care of self #ENDALZ, Alzheimer's Disease, Canine Caregiver, Caregiver burden, Eldercare, Gratitude, Grief, Hospice Care, Life after death, Pet Therapy, Pivoting, Progress not Perfection terry@thejoyofcaring.com 4 Comments

Laughter in Grief – showing up the best we can and finding hope amidst loss

April 23, 2020

Little did Dad know when he made up Douglas the Rabbit stories for us kids, that someday I’d share them with my kids; little did I know that the stories I wrote down to remember Dad after he died, would someday entertain Mom, when she could no longer get out of bed.

—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story

Accepting help, Having fun, Helping others, Laughing out loud, Learning as we go, Letting go, Looking forward, Maintaining balance, Making peace, Practicing faith, Taking care of self Alzheimer's Disease, COVID-19, Eldercare, Gratitude, Keep it simple, Life after death, One day at a time terry@thejoyofcaring.com 2 Comments

COVID-19 Staying at Home – finding guidance in parental wisdom during this time of pandemic stress

April 1, 2020

Tamridge, Mom and Dad, circa 1980

There were moments, when nothing seemed as it was and everything seemed newly tenuous. Dad’s “we shall see” and “bottom line” and Mom’s “living is for living” and “aren’t we lucky” reminded me to be patient, to simplify, to let go of fear, and to count our blessings.

—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story

Accepting help, Gathering Info, Helping others, Learning as we go, Letting go, Listening first, Maintaining balance, Making peace, Practicing faith, Speaking up, Taking care of self Alzheimer's Disease, Caregiving, Corona Virus 2019, COVID-19, Eldercare, Gratitude, In the Moment, Infection, Keep it simple, Life after death, One day at a time terry@thejoyofcaring.com 14 Comments

Remembering to Breathe, ie. taking care of ourselves during the holidays

December 9, 2019

On retreat with the Chaplaincy Institute of Maine, I took a long walk by myself in the woods. I flopped down in the fresh snow. I lay there, looking up at a tall evergreen that reached up to the blue sky (the blue Mom loved). I breathed in and out, deliberately, five times. It felt so good, I decided to go for ten.

—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story

Accepting help, Finding time, Learning as we go, Learning from mistakes, Maintaining balance, Making peace, Practicing faith, Taking care of self Alzheimer's Disease, Caregiver burden, Eldercare, Gratitude, Grief, Keep it simple, Life after death, Losing a loved one terry@thejoyofcaring.com 4 Comments

Grief and Belief, in the four weeks since Mom passed on

November 12, 2019

Mom died at dawn on Tuesday, October 15, 2019 – two years from the day we got her back to Maine. Then, at 54, our beautiful friend Terry T died too. Even in the midst of battling cancer, she’d texted me: Sorry about your mom, but I know, because I believe, that she is at peace. Thank you dear Terry T for showing me the way. Peace be with you, too.

—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story

Accepting help, Helping others, Learning as we go, Letting go, Maintaining balance, Making peace, Practicing faith, Taking care of self #ENDALZ, Caregiver burden, Eldercare, Gratitude, Grief, Hospice Care, Life after death terry@thejoyofcaring.com 10 Comments

On the Edge, aka re-finding balance in caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s disease

August 29, 2019

Stepping away gave me time to feel Alzheimer’s vastness – like standing beside the Grand Canyon, exhausted, I felt overwhelmed, like I could fall right in. The following summer, during valuable caregiving hours, my spouse and I visited local memory and nursing care facilities. Our options better understood, I could get back to taking it a day at a time and feeling grateful for the moments we still had with Mom in our home. 

—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story

Accepting help, Finding time, Gathering Info, Learning as we go, Learning from mistakes, Letting go, Looking forward, Maintaining balance, Making peace, Practicing faith, Taking care of self A day at a time, Caregiver burden, Eldercare, Gratitude, Parenting, Step 3 terry@thejoyofcaring.com 10 Comments

Never too old to play basketball

July 7, 2019

It was an honor to be one of 130 Maine athletes to attend the National Senior Games where I played on Team Phoenix. Watching women, ages 50-90, play basketball, not only inspired me, it gave me hope –  I wanted to be kicking ass when I’m in my eighties and beyond too!

—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story

Finding time, Having fun, Learning as we go, Letting go, Maintaining balance, Practicing faith, Taking care of self #ENDALZ, #gotitfrommymama, Alzheimer's Disease, Eldercare, Fun, Gratitude, Health first, Pivoting terry@thejoyofcaring.com 6 Comments

Father’s Day in Albuquerque

June 22, 2019

Me and Dad, circa 1974
Me and Dad, circa 1974

That Father’s Day, sixteen years since Dad died, I heard him heckle when I missed foul shots, laugh when I threw elbows, and cheer when I backed someone down. When I worried about missed opportunities, I recalled his “don’t worry about what’s over and done.” And, when I noticed the 85+-year-old men playing on a neighboring court, I imagined Dad and his killer hook shot in their midst. Too bad I didn’t get that gene!

—excerpt from Living Is for Living: A Caregiver’s Story

Accepting help, Having fun, Laughing out loud, Learning from mistakes, Taking care of self Alzheimer's Disease, Caregiving, Gratitude, Health first, Infinity, Keep it simple, Life after death, Losing a loved one, Marriage, Millennials, One day at a time, Parenting terry@thejoyofcaring.com 8 Comments

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I am Acadia Manset's granddaughter. Raised in Maine, graduated from Dartmouth College and Harvard Law, I have spent the last 24 years parenting. With our adult kids in the process of leaving the nest, my mom has moved in, leading to precious time and daily opportunities I never anticipated. I hope that this site will inspire insight and growth, humor and fun, questions and answers, for you and for me.

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Top Posts & Pages

  • Newest Release...
  • Upcoming Book Release: A Seal Named Sunshine
  • The Wrap: Douglas the Rabbit's Winter Holiday Surprise
  • Seeing What Is Right in front of Us
  • A Giant Lesson in Mindfulness
  • 1, 2, 3...ready or not, here we come: Douglas the Rabbit's Fall Field Trip
  • Up next, just in time for Mom's birthday: Douglas the Rabbit Makes Some Friends
  • Introducing my next adventure: The Original Douglas the Rabbit Story
  • Living Is for Living: A Caregiver's Story is launched!
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Raised in Maine, I had spent the prior 24 years parenting, mostly in Wisconsin. With our adult kids in the process of leaving the nest, my mom moved in, from Maine, leading to precious time and daily opportunities I had never anticipated. I launched this site in 2017 as a way to share that experience, hoping to pass along what I was learning about Alzheimer's disease, to process the challenging parts, and to have some fun too. I never anticipated the way the community of readers would fuel me in staying the course. Today, I am deeply grateful for that, and so much more.

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